hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
