I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
