I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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