She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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