she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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