Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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