Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
