i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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