dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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