We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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