You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
