fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
