Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
