They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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