first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
