we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
