I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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