You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
