i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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