the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
