There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
