Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
