Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
