Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
