6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
