i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
