get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
