Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
