Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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