I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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