She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
