before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
