Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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