I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
