You're so nebulous sometimes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
