i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
