I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
