I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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