I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
