I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
