Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
