i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
