maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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