Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
