can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He shit in the fireplace
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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