Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
