I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
