The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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