Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
