I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
