Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
